Shit my wife said during DAT $%&^#)*&'s speechamajig

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 01/31/2018 at 11:43 • Filed to: None

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Even though I had no interest whatsoever in watching our failing ungrateful sad disloyal crooked weak little-hand-owner in chief speak at length, for some reason my wife really wanted to watch the SOTU. Then she yelled at the tv a lot.

I tried to make sure that we were suitably intoxicated before the speech started, but at some point I had to get up and make my wife another brandy old fashioned because smoke was starting to come out of her ears.

Here is a selection of some but not all of the things she yelled:

I don’t even want to know what he’s saying anymore, I just want to see who’s not going to clap.

Do you see Schumer’s face? And the Congressional Black Caucus isn’t moving!

It’s the only thing you’ve done all year you ding dong!

Ewwww look at Mitch McConnell’s face! He looks like he’s ready to go underground.

(Sees Ivanka and Jared) EWWWWW Barbie and Ken!!!!! Ken and Barbie!

DISASTROUS HO-PAMA-CARE????

Ooooh lookit lookit did you see it did you see it did you see it Bernie Sanders not clapping!!! Did you see it! That whole democratic party they weren’t clapping at all and they had to sit through all that!

“That man who owns that company that’s doing so well” he doesn’t even remember that guy’s name!

I CAN JUST HEAR MIKA AND JOE RIGHT NOW IN THEIR LIVING ROOM JUST UUUUGGGGHHH HATE WATCHING IT.

When are you gonna be done? Dude.

FREE MELANIA!

That’s not something to be proud of, most of those are environmental protections!

EWWWW you gross smug Paul Ryan!!!!

Thankfully at some point during the speech my sister who is in grad school called me freaking out that her computer was dying and doing some weird boot loop that kicked her into the BIOS and I somehow was able to talk her through getting it to boot back into Windows, which was frustrating, but at least I wasn’t watching the state of the union for that period of time.

We tried to watch Joe Kennedy III’s rebuttal speech but lost interest at some point and turned it off, even though he was wearing !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

jimz > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 11:51

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a sure-fire way to improve your health, blood pressure, and overall well-being is to stop hate-watching things. I don’t watch politicians speak. I also don’t watch shit like the Oscars, Grammys, VMAs, or anything like that because I don’t feel the need to sit for three hours being lectured by twenty-somethings who have never lived outside of their Hollywood bubble.

Textured Soy Protein > jimz 01/31/2018 at 11:52

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If all else fails there’s always CBD oil.

WilliamsSW > jimz 01/31/2018 at 11:55

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Yeah, I feel guilty that I’m not paying close attention to this shitshow as a result, but I do exactly this, and keep up via reading.

I’m a much happier (and healthier) person as a result.

Jayhawk Jake > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 11:55

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inb4 our resident conservative comes in and says something shit stirring.

jimz > WilliamsSW 01/31/2018 at 11:55

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although I’m wondering where all of the #MAGA types are now what with Harley’s announcment.

DayManFighterOfTheNightMan > jimz 01/31/2018 at 11:57

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Well said! I just wait for all the Late Night “Comedians” to provide a succinct, fun summary of both these events a day later.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 12:06

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But the rebuttal was so exciting, there was a Mustang in the background! It was there as a warning to crowds everywhere to be afraid.

Textured Soy Protein > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 01/31/2018 at 12:08

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We lost interest when he started saying random inspirational things that weren’t direct digs at Trump. We don’t need to be inspired, talk some shit dammit!

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 12:16

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Let’s keep political stuff after the jump please https://oppositelock.kinja.com/a-slightly-revised-oppositelock-handbook-for-commenting-1750418920

fintail > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 12:21

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I was disappointed nobody yelled “lies!” or that there wasn’t a Russian contingent in the front row.

diplodicus > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 12:21

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How do you keep track of all these amazing reaction gifs.

diplodicus > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 12:21

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How do you keep track of all these amazing reaction gifs.

Textured Soy Protein > diplodicus 01/31/2018 at 12:23

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I just bounce around on Giphy until I find stuff I like, there’s not much thought put into it.

TheRevanchist > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 12:24

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My buddy used to see his wife getting fired up about something, then purposefully say things like, “and you know what else they do, they...”. She’d get even more fired up, and he’d be laughing his ass off about it.

diplodicus > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 12:25

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I was unaware of that site.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 13:07

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I can’t even listen to his voice. I have an app for chrome that changes his face on pages into cats. I’ll get the rundown on the Daily Show clips.

Svend > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 13:07

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I watched a couple of minutes where he said that he was improving the standing of America in the world.

Nope, your not. Your making it a comical cluster fuck laughing stock.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 13:08

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Or the I Have a Scream speech...

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 14:15

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I love cookies.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Textured Soy Protein 01/31/2018 at 21:06

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It seemed like it was written in a vacuum rather than as a response to what was actually said. I too was hoping for really witty responses to the absolutely absurd things that Trump had said. I miss Stewart and Colbert ripping on the Republicans in such a classy way.